Hard times

Hard times come to human life often and on. I had this experiences different times and I also came over that situation. Before discussing this things let me express my view towards family education. I am a boy from a middle class family. My father was an employee of a shipping company (C& F Agent) called M/s Sharif Shipping Company. The boss of the company was a big fraud. My father was the general manager of that company. Due to lack of responsibility and foresight of the boss company was just going down and father left that job. Boss owed to my father 1+ lac TK. That amount of money, we didn't get yet. May be, it was not a big amount, but sometimes it was really big amount for our family in different crisis times. My mother is a housewife and an ideal woman in my life. I love her very much though I didn't get much chance to be with mother for long time in my childhood, because my younger brother is just 1.5 year junior to me. So, mother sometimes think I don't miss her too much, I also don't know whether I miss her or not, but she is the closest one (may be she does not know all about me) probably.

I said earlier, I have a mentality of middle class family. And for middle class family, establishment in life and supporting the family is sacred duty which I always remember from my childhood and believe it heart and soul.

Many years of my life passed and by this time, many things happened in my life, but this thoughts never changed.

Now lets come to the point.At the first, I was not much enthusiastic about the higher education of the girls and its because of having no example of successful girls in front of me. But when, I came along to some type of successful one, I became hopeful that yup its a good point and good success to be observed. But regarding the higher educated girls I have some observations to deliver in this blog.

a. For a long time, girls are deprived of higher education and different other facilities and they are really oppressed and dominated by the so called society conducted by man. So, when a girl came to a success defeating other boys and girls, then she consider it a great victory and I also believe that as they overcome lots of obstacles in the society for being in such positions despite of their merits.

b. Some girls are by born stubborn and if that success came to them like I mentioned they really became too much proud of their success and really ignore the contributors of their success. Of course, the most contribution to this success goes to her, but sometimes, they really try to ignore the others contribution. There is a cause behind this----so called society always try to dominate the girls and they can't believe that girls can go so high. So, those girls try to hide others contribution to her success. those who are generous enough, later they pay gratitude to those contributors, but some others may forget to pay gratitude and even if the contributor is male, then may be she forget it willingly.

c. My family education says that, may be I am a university professor, senior software developer or so on...but I am a son in my home. I am a family member to my family. And I like to do family works with others. From my childhood, I used to pay more time in study and was not involved in household chores much but that does not mean that I cant do that and I hate to do that. I feel good to be in a good position but I never hurt those well wishers.

d. I have a personal observation about education and establishment. Education is like a light that enlightens one's life and enlightens others life around him/her. Education teaches people adaptation with different environment efficiently and if anyone is boast of one's education too much then this enlightenment is not possible. Because, he/she keep him/herself busy in considering whether he/she is being paid the proper respect. May be, I am talking too long words and there may be a question, whether I follow those words or not. But, I will say, I follow these what I say, at least in my family and also tries elsewhere as much I can. I also respect my relatives who care about me and also respect some would be families also and always try to consider whether I am on right track or not.

e. I had such an incident with my partner yet. I don't know she will be my permanent partner or not, but I think I should write this down now, because few times later, may be all things I wont be able remember as I have some forgetting problems. Story started in this way:

Suppose, my mother is a housewife. She has to handle a lot of household chores in our house. We tried to have helping woman in our house but in rural area, it is a difficult task and you can never satisfy people with anything. Anyway, mother works a lot and she looks tired most of the time. We are four brothers and sometimes I feel bad that I am not helping her much in her works. Mother also does not want me to be involved in those work also as I was long-range investment for the family. But, when I used to help my mother I feel good.

But in case of her family (partner's) they have a kazer bua and their mother pays a lot of care behind them and house hold chores are shared with the bua. So, from that environment it is observed that the children of that family are habituated to see that room cleaning mainly done by bua and food-cooking done by their mother. So, from the childhood, they hate the bua's work and consider it as bua's work and cooking is their mother's work. So, according to this family, there is a clear classification of labor in their family. Actually, the problem is they used to hate bua as well as their works. May be, the bua was poor and illiterate. So, they hated her (silently) and as well as hated her works also.

Now, in case of my family, there were some working women in our family, whom we address using some relationship like kaki,vabi and we remember we never hate them and we feel grateful that they are helping my mother. The basic difference of these two families are that we were grateful despite of paying her, but they (other family) thought that they are buying the labor and they thought money can do everything. This is actually the cause of economic differences. When a family has some strong economic background, then slowly they become dominating over other families or persons in the society.

So, I was talking about different works of my family done by mother, that time I found she was very reluctant and non-interested with those works and actually, she hates those works. She thinks she is a higher educated woman and why she will do that kind of works and she is having a greater status...why she will lose it by doing so? But she forgot, the household chores are such things that everyone needs to do and there is nothing losing prestige in doing so.

There may be another explanation, probably, she is not thinking my home as homely and she is thinking she will be bound to do some serious physical works that she never experienced that will make her life horrible. So, she boldly protested that, 'I will never do those works'. Apparently, she is correct from her sense, but lets analyze the fact. As well as family background experience, she is boast of her success and she has a concept that nobody wont be able to make her done any works she does not want to do. And it is also true that it cant be done by her.

Now lets analyze my parents expectation from their daughter in law. Lets point out
1. She should be obedient to the family.
2. She may be qualified girl but in that family, she will have to behave like a daughter in law---means she cant be boast of her qualification, she should be gentle and and friendly.
3. They does not expect too much from her, but wants her to behave like their daughter as they don't have daughter.
4. They never want to get their job done by her, rather they wanna see she is taking care of me.
5. Last thing, they wanna see hospitality and cordiality from the other family.

Now lets equalize the things. I think she can be a good girl to my parents as my father already likes her, but I discovered a problem few days ago.
a. she will face a lot of problem in matching with my family and may not cope up properly if unfortunate.
b.There are some economical imbalance between these two families which may differentiate their choices, interests, thoughts,targets etc.
c. There may be a lack of hospitality due to socioeconomic and locational problem.

Problems in my cases:
a. She is a careerist girl and she will never tolerate anything that hampers her career probably. She does not have clear concept actually about careerism, but has a lot interest to be a careerist and she can sacrifice a lot for it. Apparently, its a good sign, but the problem is the same thing is true for me and that's why, I need and opposite person to take care of the family and whose main concern will be family and me.
b. So, should I feel guilty that, I am deleting someone's possibility of being famous? Actually, let me clarify things: Everybody, wants a shelter which is very necessary for the life to lead. Matter is the depth of love, if the love is there, both of them handle this thing quite easily and that does not require to warn that 'family will sacrifice if needed'.---this sentence expresses that she is not strong enough to handle careerism and family same time and that family is a load for her which sounded painful to me. Because, I myself also busy and will be busy but I never say that family has to sacrifice for that and I handle it smartly...may be she is not strong enough.

c.She has lack of gratefulness and she really forgets what other does for her. Probably, it is one of the characteristics of current modern girl that they want to be established in any cost and sometimes like a selfish also.


Now what I did:
a. Every time I planned I had a plan for her so that both of us can succeed and output is maximized. But her attitude does not reflect my contribution to her life all the time and sometimes she behaves like a stranger specially when she is angry...she cant recognize me when she is angry.
b. Actually, she hit my soft feelings about my family education and ours family educations don't match to some points and not sure it is not enough to make clash.
c. There may be domination in decision making by the family depending upon their current status.
d. Moreover, I hate boasting in people. People who are proud of themselves very much, actually they can perform the least and showing is bad. There may be self-confidence in people, but showing-off in words and attitude is quite bad though she never crossed me...but...she can hurt my family...as I think.
e. Especially, my parents may assume as their girl and may request for something from her and suddenly it may be found that she wont do that as it is not in her habit and when her stubbornness exposes to my parents, then it will create a bad situation and I will be a colored....that how I am living with her.....who cant compromise a simple little.....

Anyway, except me who has read so far, she already knew a lot about me and her. So, pray for us for a stable situation as I am not talking to her for 3 days.

thanks.